Saturday, 14 July 2012

G4S admit to becoming a little confused.

The chief executive of G4S today admitted that he has just realised he does not have enough security guards to cover the London Olympics.

G4S won the contract bid in 2010, the conditions of which were to supply 2,000 security staff at Olympic venues, a figure which rose to 10,000 in 2011, at request of Games organisers.

‘It’s all gone terribly, terribly wrong,’ Mr Buckles said earlier today. ‘I found the whole thing rather confusing from the beginning, if I’m honest. The only way I could cope with such magnificently large numbers was to separate each number the Olympics people sent to me into gazillions, trillions, millions, hundreds of thousands, tens of thousands, thousands, hundreds, tens and units. Somewhere along the line, someone rubbed out all the columns preceding the thousands column, which sadly discombobulated me.’

Approximately 110,000 people applied for the advertised post, but due to the confusion with the columns, only seven were interviewed. ‘The interview process was extraordinarily complex, and rather tiresome,’ said Mr Buckles. ‘Each applicant had to be able to spell their name, effectively communicate in English, and be able to stand with their hands loosely clasped in front of them, their chin raised in a defiant manner, whilst throwing a menacing stare. Sadly, all the applicants we eventually recruited failed on the clasping of the hands. Some even toppled over. Don’t worry though. I have phoned the army.’
Karina Evans 2012


  1. "Don't worry though. I have phoned the army."- Oh jeez I think Horlicks just came out of my nose!

  2. I hope you cleared up after yourself. I am glad you did a laugh.