Monday, 1 November 2010

Teenage Girls Don't Deserve to Have Safe Sex

A few people are furious at news that teenage girls in the Isle of Wight will soon be able to access the contraceptive pill at their local pharmacy. In a controversial scheme; girls aged 13 and over who pick up the morning-after pill at a pharmacy, will be given a month’s supply of Desogestrel; a contraceptive pill. Politicians, church figures, and a mother have voiced their opinions on the controversial move, amid concerns that it will force young teenage girls to have sex safely.
‘It’s sexualising young teenagers, and priming them for underage sex,’ rants Antonia Tully, a mother of four. ‘No potentially pregnant teenage girl would ever consider ever, ever, ever having sex again, until a fuckwit pharmacist-bitch thrusts Desogestrel at her with her slutty, cum-soaked fingers, whilst huskily mouthing the lyrics to ‘Move Closer’ through her slightly pursed, pillar-box red, overblown blow-job lips.'
Conservative MP, Andrew Turner, adds: ‘Teenage girls have sex; it’s a sad sex-fact that we need to put an end to. They certainly don't deserve the luxury of safe sex. We don’t wish to condone sex in any way, shape or form by offering them a sex safety-net. We have held a sex meeting and conclude that the only way to stop this sex is to withdraw all types of sex contraceptives available to teenage sex-sluts. This will ensure that they stay safely indoors, pseudo-sexing Barbie dolls with their brother’s sex sperm.'
Ten of the island’s thirty pharmacies will take part in the scheme, implemented by the Isle of Wight’s Primary Care Trust. The Reverend Anthony Glaysher, from the Catholic diocese of Portsmouth is angry and more than a little confused: ‘three hundred unwanted babies are better than none, and also, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. A stitch in time saves nine. Syphilis is a gift; today is yesterday, tomorrow is a present; unwrap it. Fuck me.'
Karina Evans 2010


  1. Sixteen times, you said "sex" I was gonna make a joke about sex-teen times, but its not really appropriate is it? well said, Karina from sus-sex Ha! sorry made a little jokey there...

  2. It's very appropriate, and I like that you counted them! Tomorrow, I'm going to see how many times I can use the word 'wank' in an article.

    Karina from Sus-sex.

  3. Can you just read that out again - in a sort of Dervla Kirwan-Marks and spencer-sexy chocolate pudding voice? .... Oh yes, thats it...