Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Barak Obama in talks with Consumer Credit Counselling Service

President Barak Obama is currently in talks with the Consumer Credit Counselling Service in an effort to reduce his monthly outgoings; thus avoiding the need to raise the national debt ceiling.

Barak has recently found that he has a spiralling 'monetary-deficit' problem, possibly stemming from the time he borrowed cash from a Provident lady at a staggering 140000% interest rate. 'I need to have spent three trillion pounds less,' declared President Obama, ashamedly, during negotiations in Washington DC. 'I take a certain element of responsibility for this mess, and I am trying very hard to sort it out whilst keeping everyone very happy.' He swallowed a sob before proudly continuing: 'I even went on that Wonga.com, to see if I could borrow three trillion pounds and pay it back on the twenty-eighth of next month, which is pay day, but the money number was too big and it broke their fucking slidey thing.'

Obama now has no choice but to approach the Consumer Credit Counselling Service, in the hope that they will help him reduce his monthly outgoings and negotiate with his creditor(s). A spokesperson for the CCCS; Mr Bigglesworth, states: 'If Mr Obama were to give us a call, I am sure we could assist him with his red-hot debt. Red hot liquid magma. Firstly, he would have to promise not to borrow any money from anyone ever ever ever not ever fricking again, else we will tell him to frick off and sort out his own fricking mess. If Mr Bigglesworth gets upset, people die. Fourthly, he will have to fill in a monthly expenditure form, whereupon we will tell him that he is spending too much money on mini-people. The only issue I can foresee is that Mr Obama will need to declare which fucktard lent him the money in the first place, so we can send them a pound in an envelope to prove intention to pay off his debt.' Mr Bigglesworth shakes his head sadly, before whizzing around on his chair, muttering: 'Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?'