High street fashion chain, Next, have admitted that offensive comments and death threats posted on Facebook came directly from them, not a hacker as first reported.
The comments were posted as the chain launched a Facebook page to find two new baby models, and were directed at the parents of the 'really fucking ugly' babies.
'The standard was appallingly low,' states a Next spokesperson. 'We had to swiftly address the issue. Every morning we would check Facebook, praying for a sexy little mite, only to be faced with skinny, ugly fuckers. Nobody wants to buy clothes that have been modelled by a fucking ugly, probably bastard, child. They should actually die.'
The mother of one of the 'fucking ugly' children says resignedly: 'Yes, Lambreeney is fucking ugly, I very much appreciate being told. I have now drowned him.'
Karina Evans 2010
Showing posts with label elves. Show all posts
Showing posts with label elves. Show all posts
Sunday, 31 October 2010
Monday, 25 October 2010
Romanian Children Found Working in Magical Forest
Seven Romanian children between the ages of nine and sixteen have been found working in a magical forest in Worcestershire.
The children were discovered by the Gangmasters Licensing Authority (GLA), who described the situation as ‘disturbingly quirky’.
Linda Boyle, of the GLA, said: ‘I had heard rumours that children were picking mushrooms in forests locally, and decided to go and have a look for myself. It was disturbingly quirky. I tiptoed over to watch them work; they picked the mushrooms, then they dried them, then they sold them to a man in a hooded pullover. If they didn't give him enough, he lovingly whipped them with the handle end of a firearm. They held some back and made me a mushroomy cup of tea, as they had no herbal shit. Look. Everything is covered in glitter.'
Ms Boyle pauses before continuing: ‘They are all quite short, therefore have been taken into police protection until suitable accommodation can be found for them. I feel pretty. Oh, so pretty. I feel pretty. And witty. And bright.'
The children were all adequately dressed for the cold conditions, in lovely green suits, pointy shoes and hats with bells on the end. ‘Safety was not an issue,' stresses Ms Boyle. ‘The bell-ended hats ensured the other elves heard them coming. They were having a fucking wonderful time. Fucking wonderful.'
The children were discovered by the Gangmasters Licensing Authority (GLA), who described the situation as ‘disturbingly quirky’.
Linda Boyle, of the GLA, said: ‘I had heard rumours that children were picking mushrooms in forests locally, and decided to go and have a look for myself. It was disturbingly quirky. I tiptoed over to watch them work; they picked the mushrooms, then they dried them, then they sold them to a man in a hooded pullover. If they didn't give him enough, he lovingly whipped them with the handle end of a firearm. They held some back and made me a mushroomy cup of tea, as they had no herbal shit. Look. Everything is covered in glitter.'
Ms Boyle pauses before continuing: ‘They are all quite short, therefore have been taken into police protection until suitable accommodation can be found for them. I feel pretty. Oh, so pretty. I feel pretty. And witty. And bright.'
The children were all adequately dressed for the cold conditions, in lovely green suits, pointy shoes and hats with bells on the end. ‘Safety was not an issue,' stresses Ms Boyle. ‘The bell-ended hats ensured the other elves heard them coming. They were having a fucking wonderful time. Fucking wonderful.'
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)