Saturday, 14 April 2012

Government positively encouraging fuel strike

The government are sorely disappointed that their contingency plans put in place in case of a fuel strike may not be utilised.
The government have held several meetings to discuss the action they would take if a fuel strike were to go ahead and have planned to hold a meeting at eleven o'clock every morning to secure the plans and ensure they are watertight. A spokesman for the Department for Energy and Climate Change states 'We are positively furious at the fuckawful news that Unite have come up with some half-cocked plan to ruin our ideas. We have enough battenburg and filter coffee to see us through this month. We had amazing plans and displayed these plans upon this flip-chart. Look. These little stick-men are the fuel tanker drivers and this man waving his arms saying 'Your job is not fucking dangerous enough,' is Davey Cameron. If you look over the will see a pie-chart and a venn diagram. I drew both because I was not sure which one was prettier.' The spokesman chews his pencil thoughtfully, before continuing 'the pie chart and venn diagram both represent how aroused we are by the thought of people queuing for petrol. Over the page can see a graph displaying exactly how aroused we are. I produced over four gallons of semen last week when I went to my local Morrisons' petrol station and saw that they had run out of Super Unleaded. This is sexier than war.'
Unite, the union which represents 2062 tanker drivers, is calling for minimum standards of pay, holiday and redundancy. Nick Dennis, a spokesman for Unite, says the government are not being helpful. 'The government are not being helpful,' he says.

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